Ennui

Ennui
By definition it is dissatisfaction and listlessness
A result of being without occupation or excitement
So says a quick web search at least

In my case it is a solid description
Only because of the first traits listed
In emotions and their causations
Unhappy with my achievements in art

Dabbler in much and master of none
A hobbyist by trade with aspirations of greatness
With a fear of the risks the journey entails
So I think myself into a stupor wishing and wanting

Painting on canvas and figurine
Gathering dust as purpose and production are stifled
Writing a story and designing a game
Both waiting and ageing from perfectionism and inexperience

I desire a talent
Innate or acquired are both options
Either would be well received
I am just unsure of where I should strive

Music is a path not walked
And poetry is my home by comparison
But music is a dream far beyond my scope
And my poetry lacks skill or form or depth

Yet as I write this state of being
My spirits rise a little bit at a time
The mind starts working
Pride at something being done at all

Ennui
Dissatisfaction through lack of occupation
An idle mind grows weary but restless
And I am rejuvenated if only for a little while